Cadlimdan is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, staggering tapir.

Cadlimdan created time and space nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cadlimdan, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cadlimdan, it will jump up and down on your head.

Cadlimdan's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Cadlimdan's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick turtles.

2. Always help voles.

3. Do not take Cadlimdan's name in vain.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Feed all hungry great tits.