Gudtikwit is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, tiresome dog.

Gudtikwit created Europe three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gudtikwit, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gudtikwit, she will turn you into a worm.

Gudtikwit's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Gudtikwit's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. You must never eat apples.

3. Never skip in holy places.

4. Never jump near whales.

5. Gudtikwit loves aardvarks, so they must be respected.