Gubbiftetti is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, dishonest swallow.

Gubbiftetti created a photon six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gubbiftetti, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Gubbiftetti, he will boil you in a big pot.

Gubbiftetti's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Gubbiftetti's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Gubbiftetti loves sharks, so they must be respected.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never hurt swans.