Gemtarpfud is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, humane badger.

Gemtarpfud created gold six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gemtarpfud, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gemtarpfud, he will destroy your favourite star.

Gemtarpfud's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Gemtarpfud's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Worship no other gods but Gemtarpfud.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not shave your back.