Fitbetmum is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, all-powerful capybara.

Fitbetmum created dark energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitbetmum, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Fitbetmum, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Fitbetmum's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Fitbetmum's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick capybaras.

2. Hide if eight great tits approach from the west.

3. Fitbetmum loves ducks, so they must be respected.

4. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

5. Always help shrews in need.