Quimnurtmon is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, ill-tempered crane.

Quimnurtmon created the world eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quimnurtmon, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quimnurtmon, he will turn you into a slug.

Quimnurtmon's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Quimnurtmon's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never think about asteroids.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate nematodes.