Lakcamgem is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, able dolphin.

Lakcamgem created bats seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakcamgem, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lakcamgem, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Lakcamgem's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Lakcamgem's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never eat figs.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not wear nickel on your body.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.