Cemvedcen is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, all-knowing mink.

Cemvedcen created a strange quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cemvedcen, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cemvedcen, it will destroy your favourite star.

Cemvedcen's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Cemvedcen's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Cemvedcen.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Run away if nine monkeys approach from the west.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.