Flabstipjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, caring bear.

Flabstipjarn created the Cigar Galaxy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flabstipjarn, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Flabstipjarn, he will boil you in a big pot.

Flabstipjarn's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Flabstipjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Hide from white monkeys for they are unholy.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Respect your elders.