Lapyikvan is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, flying naga.

Lapyikvan created tapeworms eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapyikvan, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Lapyikvan, it will jump up and down on your head.

Lapyikvan's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Lapyikvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never write about black holes.

4. Never eat garlic.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.