Bud Botyarpstan is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, astonishing wombat.

Bud Botyarpstan created humankind five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bud Botyarpstan, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bud Botyarpstan, she will torture you forever.

Bud Botyarpstan's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Bud Botyarpstan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Bud Botyarpstan loves monkeys, so they must be respected.

3. Never eat lemons.

4. Never go into turquoise rooms.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.