Podhitcap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, unfair gorilla.

Podhitcap created the cosmos eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Podhitcap, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Podhitcap, it will not invite you to parties.

Podhitcap's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Podhitcap's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not kill cats.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Always take life seriously.