Ratpigpark is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, intelligent porpoise.

Ratpigpark created light six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ratpigpark, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ratpigpark, she will be very sad.

Ratpigpark's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Ratpigpark's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about stars.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not wear nickel on your body.

4. Never think ill of sick dolphins.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.