Matwipbum is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, self-assured goat.

Matwipbum created parasitic wasps three million years ago.

If you believe in Matwipbum, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Matwipbum, he will send minions to preach to you.

Matwipbum's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Matwipbum's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about amino acids.

2. Do not wear copper on your body.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.