Tomzemwat is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, merciful gnu.

Tomzemwat created the Cigar Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomzemwat, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tomzemwat, he will have a low opinion of you.

Tomzemwat's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Tomzemwat's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not shave your face.

3. Never feed gooseberries to doves while wearing pink shoes.

4. Do not take Tomzemwat's name in vain.

5. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Tomzemwat on top of all buildings.