Lagkadfarn is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, humorless dolphin.

Lagkadfarn created dark energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagkadfarn, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lagkadfarn, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Lagkadfarn's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Lagkadfarn's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Lagkadfarn nine times a day.

2. Always treat dolphins with great respect.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Always wear orange.