Bepflamsan is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, selfish dolphin.

Bepflamsan created tapeworms eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bepflamsan, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bepflamsan, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Bepflamsan's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Bepflamsan's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Do not shave your chest.

3. Never hurt hamsters.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bepflamsan.

5. Do not eat strawberries.