Arpwotmis is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, happy capybara.

Arpwotmis created the world three billion years ago.

If you believe in Arpwotmis, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Arpwotmis, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Arpwotmis' most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Arpwotmis' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Retreat if eight gulls approach from the south.

3. Always help cats.

4. Run away if nine moths approach from the east.

5. You must never eat corn.