Geblimnelvad Ratqueegmap is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, irritating tapir.

Geblimnelvad Ratqueegmap created humankind two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Geblimnelvad Ratqueegmap, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Geblimnelvad Ratqueegmap, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Geblimnelvad Ratqueegmap's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Geblimnelvad Ratqueegmap's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your hands purple.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

4. Never write about asteroids.

5. Never wear orange shoes.