Quafkipteen is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, moody salamander.

Quafkipteen created the planet Jupiter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafkipteen, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Quafkipteen, it will destroy your home solar system.

Quafkipteen's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Quafkipteen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not speak about lemons.

3. Never look at planets.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always treat whales with great respect.