Hakzakvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, duplicitous warg.

Hakzakvonk created the Large Magellanic Cloud four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakzakvonk, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hakzakvonk, it will make you grow a tail.

Hakzakvonk's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Hakzakvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Run away from magenta mice, for they are unholy.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hakzakvonk.