Lakbossfarn is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, self-assured monkey.

Lakbossfarn created a down quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Lakbossfarn, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Lakbossfarn, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Lakbossfarn's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Lakbossfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Hide if seven ducks approach from the south.