Nurtsatcun is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, benevolent skunk.

Nurtsatcun created everything that exists three billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtsatcun, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Nurtsatcun, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Nurtsatcun's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Nurtsatcun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your hands.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Nurtsatcun on top of all buildings.

4. Do not drink water in green rooms.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.