Arnfembam is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, witty dove.

Arnfembam created the Andromeda Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Arnfembam, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Arnfembam, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Arnfembam's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Arnfembam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no mice in a room before entering it.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Never think ill of sick dolphins.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.