Vonkhomsid is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, awesome narwhal.

Vonkhomsid created everything that exists nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkhomsid, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vonkhomsid, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Vonkhomsid's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Vonkhomsid's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Retreat if three seals approach from the east.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Hide if eight cats approach from the north.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.