Hapcemjad is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, caring hedgehog.

Hapcemjad created Africa six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapcemjad, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Hapcemjad, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Hapcemjad's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Hapcemjad's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about cell theory.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Hapcemjad on top of all buildings.

4. Run away if five grasshopers approach from the south.

5. Never talk about fire.