Jopvagjam is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, two-faced tapir.

Jopvagjam created time and space seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopvagjam, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jopvagjam, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Jopvagjam's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Jopvagjam's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in the presence of snakes.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Tapirs are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.