Honshavcub is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, dishonourable scorpion.

Honshavcub created life three million years ago.

If you believe in Honshavcub, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Honshavcub, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Honshavcub's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Honshavcub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your head.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never go into violet rooms.

5. Put Honshavcub first in all things.