Flapquatmab Flagvab is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, resourceful dolphin.

Flapquatmab Flagvab created the planet Mars nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapquatmab Flagvab, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Flapquatmab Flagvab, it will turn you into a goat.

Flapquatmab Flagvab's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Flapquatmab Flagvab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about asteroids.

2. Put Flapquatmab Flagvab first in all things.

3. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

4. Do not wear iron on your body.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate dogs.