Flatpadnib is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, compassionate slug.

Flatpadnib created dark energy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatpadnib, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Flatpadnib, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Flatpadnib's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Flatpadnib's Holy Commandments

1. Erect three carbon sculptures of Flatpadnib on top of important buildings.

2. Do not speak about tomatoes.

3. Hide if eight great tits approach from the west.

4. Do not shave your head.

5. Flatpadnib must be the most important thing in your life.