Hamcedpag Jatkomnutt is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, contented guinea pig.

Hamcedpag Jatkomnutt created humankind three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hamcedpag Jatkomnutt, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Hamcedpag Jatkomnutt, he will send you a sign.

Hamcedpag Jatkomnutt's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Hamcedpag Jatkomnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into yellow rooms.

2. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never skip in holy places.