Ganquillnell is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, narcissistic crocodile.

Ganquillnell created the Andromeda Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ganquillnell, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ganquillnell, she will turn you into a hamster.

Ganquillnell's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Ganquillnell's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ganquillnell.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.