Zimkoprow is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, all-powerful manatee.

Zimkoprow created snails two billion years ago.

If you believe in Zimkoprow, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Zimkoprow, he will turn you into a goat.

Zimkoprow's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Zimkoprow's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat cucumbers.

2. Never go into blue rooms.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Always help squirrels in need.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.