Hansafbog is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, loving fairy.

Hansafbog created Europe nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hansafbog, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hansafbog, she will torture you forever.

Hansafbog's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Hansafbog's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Hansafbog.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never wear coats.

4. Do not speak about beans.

5. Do not cook food in pots.