Tapbitwik is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, idiotic swan.

Tapbitwik created carbon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapbitwik, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tapbitwik, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Tapbitwik's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Tapbitwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not wear nickel on your body.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not cook food in pots.