Rutgessgan is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, kind narwhal.

Rutgessgan created the planet Mars six billion years ago.

If you believe in Rutgessgan, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Rutgessgan, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Rutgessgan's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Rutgessgan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about black holes.

2. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never run near birds.

5. Respect your elders.