Quimcatpog is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, almighty jaguar.

Quimcatpog created the Milkyway eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Quimcatpog, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Quimcatpog, she will destroy your home planet.

Quimcatpog's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Quimcatpog's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never paint your back black.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never write about cell theory.