Zag is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, bad-tempered meerkat.

Zag created the planet Jupiter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Zag, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Zag, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Zag's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Zag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about cucumbers.

2. You must pray to Zag eight times a day.

3. Erect three silicon sculptures of Zag on top of important buildings.

4. Do not take Zag's name in vain.

5. Zag loves eagles, so they must be honoured.