Teenrigyam is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, weak crocodile.

Teenrigyam created carbon nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Teenrigyam, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Teenrigyam, he will turn you into a frog.

Teenrigyam's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Teenrigyam's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if six snails approach from the west.

2. Never talk about moons.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.