Kanwiptonkrowbep is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, ruthless pigeon.

Kanwiptonkrowbep created Africa seven million years ago.

If you believe in Kanwiptonkrowbep, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kanwiptonkrowbep, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Kanwiptonkrowbep's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Kanwiptonkrowbep's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick squirrels.

2. Do not take Kanwiptonkrowbep's name in vain.

3. Never think about gravity.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.