Ontgupcim is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, tranquil mongoose.

Ontgupcim created a strange quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontgupcim, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Ontgupcim, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Ontgupcim's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Ontgupcim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat apples.

2. Do not shave your arms.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not take Ontgupcim's name in vain.