Pibquamlag is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, grumpy narwhal.

Pibquamlag created bats four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pibquamlag, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Pibquamlag, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Pibquamlag's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Pibquamlag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate manatees.

3. Always help sick geese.

4. Never eat aubergines.

5. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.