Japwanjap is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, astonishing salamander.

Japwanjap created the universe six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Japwanjap, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Japwanjap, she will destroy your favourite star.

Japwanjap's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Japwanjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention capybaras.

2. Do not wear silver on your body.

3. Do not wear yellow clothing.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.