Dan is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, proud fairy.

Dan created a charm quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dan, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Dan, he will destroy your home planet.

Dan's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Dan's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate monkeys.

2. Never write about black holes.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never look at asteroids.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.