Zakcatflab is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, dishonourable whale.

Zakcatflab created a Higgs boson four years ago.

If you believe in Zakcatflab, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Zakcatflab, she will turn you into a slug.

Zakcatflab's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Zakcatflab's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear brown.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. You must never eat turnips.