Danzennarl is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, temperamental lobster.

Danzennarl created the Small Magellanic Cloud three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Danzennarl, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Danzennarl, she will turn you into a puffin.

Danzennarl's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Danzennarl's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three hamsters approach from the north.

2. Never eat peas.

3. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

4. Do not trade with those who eat turnips.

5. Never think about cell theory.