Cibnartcet Vagsasyat is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, wise troll.

Cibnartcet Vagsasyat created the Sol system two million years ago.

If you believe in Cibnartcet Vagsasyat, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cibnartcet Vagsasyat, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Cibnartcet Vagsasyat's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Cibnartcet Vagsasyat's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Always make sure there are no swans in a building before entering it.

5. Never eat parsnips.