Cuntifxen is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, bad-tempered narwhal.

Cuntifxen created Mount Everest three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cuntifxen, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Cuntifxen, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cuntifxen's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Cuntifxen's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Cuntifxen seven times a day.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never paint your neck orange.

5. Do not dye your hair gray.