Pinteenflig is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, charitable tortoise.

Pinteenflig created a photon four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pinteenflig, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Pinteenflig, she will cry a lot.

Pinteenflig's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Pinteenflig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never skip in holy places.

5. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a building before entering it.