Hapsaflarp is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, irritating beaver.

Hapsaflarp created life five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapsaflarp, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Hapsaflarp, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Hapsaflarp's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Hapsaflarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never wear corsets.

5. Always help gulls in need.